dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
