Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
