I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
