Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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