I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
