So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found the puke drawer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
