I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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