Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
