Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
