I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
