Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
