Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
