You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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