i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
