smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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