im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
