Swine flu. Run for my life!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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