If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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