Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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