I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So vagazzling was a success
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
