It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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