4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
