Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
