We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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