tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have aggressive nipples.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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