I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just cut my nipple shaving
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
