On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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