In the future we'll all be gay
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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