Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
