Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
