I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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