his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
