Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
