my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You took a bar mat shot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
