I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
