I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
