You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
