I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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