alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need water and some morals
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
