omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
