I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize