Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
