You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
