She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
