so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
