I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
