Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
