i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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