"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
