I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
