Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
