who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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