I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
